danish delicacies

I would smack up and inject Taco Bell intravenously if I could. Why am I addicted to this American bastardization of Mexican cuisine? I identify with it. Taking a Cheesy Gordita Crunch to the face is as American as wrap-around porches, morbid obesity, and the fascinating meat amalgamation known as "Turducken."

Most every country has a distinct food culture. Spain has tapas, Italy has lasagna, and Laos has venomous snake blood. I would face little opposition in asserting that food accounts for a significant portion of a country's culture. Thus, I find it necessary to provide an (admittedly skewed) overview of Danish cuisine. Here we go.

Rugbrød med leverpostej
English: rye bread with liver paté.
Tastes like: Home Depot's finest plywood slathered with Fancy Feast.A staple element of any Danish lunch, this "delicacy" consists of bread denser than diamond and darker than Darth Vader. Smother it in pig liver and voila! And if this amount of pig product doesn't satiate your Scandinavian palate, you can purchase the paté imbued with bacon bits.

Frikadeller
English: Modified Meatballs
Tastes like: a meaty basis with unrecognizable overtonesAn enlarged and culturally adapted version of Swedish meatballs, frikadeller are typically a pork composite, a ball of ground swine mixed with onions, spices, and bits of other unidentified yet unquestioned foodstuffs. Individual recipes probably exceed danish individuals, and each recipe is a carefully kept secret. It's like your mother's banana puddin' recipe: ain't nobody getting it.

Wienerbrød
English: Danish
Tastes like: The fluffiest croissant with fresh fruitDanish danish isn't danish. It's wienerbrød, but it's just as good. Actually better, since it's only sold by specialized bakers and made fresh the same hour it's purchased. Pick your pastry, pick your filling, enjoy immediately and repeatedly.

Lakrids
English: Salt licorice
Tastes like: Salted shit

Undoubtedly created to be a menace to foreigners, these "candies" are loved by Danes and hated by anyone with sensible tastebuds. A perfect example of Danish dark humor, these are included in packs of gummy candy and serve as a gastronomic land mine to the unsuspecting snacking foreigner.

There you have it. I'll be passing on most traditional Danish food and Americanizing most everything I purchase in the grocery store. I'm of the opinion that one develops taste early in life, and finds familiar flavors favorable. Though I'm trying to assimilate, I'll stick with my Whopper. The liver's all theirs.