This one requires a little backstory. I mentioned in the last post that I'm writing my thesis with Vestas, the world's largest wind turbine manufacturer. I was set on their 2-year "Graduate Program" for future employment. Its rotational nature offered 8-month stops in Portland, Oregon; Århus, Denmark; and Beijing, China. The pay was excellent, housing and health care were provided, and an annual contribution to one's retirement fund came standard. With perks like that, I wasn't surprised to learn that the program receives over 6000 applications for just 30 positions each year. Despite the long odds, I made it through the initial resume pool. I took a numerical reasoning test, verbal reasoning test, and completed a telephone interview before being notified that, despite passing all elements individually, I would not be receiving an invitation to the next step of the process. I still have no idea why.
That was about a month ago, and I hadn't heard from their HR department again...until today, that is, when I received the following email:
Dear Benjamin Jones
Thank you for the interest you have shown Vestas and our Graduate Programme.
For the continious (sic) improvement of our recruitment efforts we would like to hear where you learned about Vestas' graduate programme and how you have experienced the recruitment process. We therefore kindly ask you to complete this short survey, which will take between 5 and 10 minutes to complete.
In return you get the opportunity to win an iPod! If you win, you will be directly contacted in ultimo June.
You initiate the survey by clicking the link below
Thank you very much
Martin Kiil
Graduate Recruitment & Employer Branding
Dear Mr. Kiil,
Thanks very much for taking the time to check up on me. I had tried my best to forget your department's puzzling rejection of my application, which, in case you were wondering, was for a position of extreme interest and importance to me. I remain unemployed, but I can tell that a man with your skill and tact needn't trifle with such concerns. You've clearly identified your calling in life, being the most callous, oblivious, and emotionally void HR representative I've ever encountered. And, unfortunately, I've encountered quite a few.
Since you see fit to rub salt in my wound, may God sow the fields of your life with the same. This indescribably inappropriate email is, quite probably, the most offensive thing I've ever read. Since you have the social radar of an autistic ant (and I hesitate to write that because it may be offensive to ants with autism), allow me to rephrase your asinine request in prose you may find more apropos:
"Dear Mr. Jones, thanks for investing hope, enthusiasm, and countless hours of your time completing our very demanding application. Now that we've rejected you, would you give us 5-10 more minutes to fill out a survey? We'd like to learn how to better reject others in the future. Don't worry little horsey, here's an iPod on a string to lead you across the finish line."
Why don't you just punch me in the gut and throw a dollar bill at me while I'm doubled over? Do you know how else I could have gotten an iPod, Mr. Kiil? With the salary your company declined to pay me. I might have had money for food too, even. Perhaps some rent. But thank the world for you, Martin, my saint. Now I can listen to the blues from the comfort of my cardboard box on the corner of 37th and 5th. It's an iPod Shuffle too, isn't it? You thoughtless prick.
Here's to karmatic justice and your swift demise.
Sincerely,
Benjamin Jones
Monday
updates and new beginnings
To begin this post, let's take a moment to recognize the word "ash" for its usefulness by so many of the world's demographics. Rich folks ash their stogies, black people deal with ash to a dermatologic degree, the entire nation of Iceland has just determined that their country, like China, is full of ash holes, and I hesitate to even mention World War 2.
On a different note, I've decided that nothing can bar me from creating a website about music, even if I'm the only staff. This blog was intended to be more autobiographic, so I created a separate one called Soniscope and transferred all the old music posts there. It'll be regularly updated with themed features, so follow along if you're interested. I promise a symphony of satisfaction!
Regarding this blog, updates have been painfully slow recently because there honestly haven't been many newsworthy incidents. The job search still has me puzzled, but plenty of this semester's pieces were altogether enjoyable. Here's a brief list:
-Snellen: This Austrian card game was introduced to me by two countrymen in early January. The learning curve is alp-grade, due in large part to the cards used to play.
You'll notice there are 4 suits (hearts, bells, shades, and acorns) and that a 2-6 straight is very tough to come by. Gameplay is a wrinkled, competitive, and fiercely addicting version of spades. Everyone I know is hooked, and I've wiled away many nights scheming behind a spielkarten facade.
-The Beatsteaks: The Soniscope will soon cast its gaze on this German band, who recently electrified my favorite Copenhagen music venue. Despite it being sold out, I was drug to this show by the same group of wily Austrians responsible for my raging Snellen addiction and somehow procured a pass. Excellent concert, but I seriously feared for my safety on multiple occasions.
-Sensation White: Some men get grill sets or cuff links for their birthdays. Forget them, I got a ticket to a rave in Norway. That's another story for Soniscope, but the weekend in Oslo was memorable in its own rite, both for the beautiful bus ride and the battered bank account that inevitably follows $18 Big Mac meals.
-The Opera: Copenhagen's Opera is simply stunning. Opened in 2000, "Operæn," as the Danes call it, was donated by the A.P. Møller Foundation funded by the Mærsk founder who bears its name. Total costs exceeded $500 million, and the project was tried at length in the court of public opinion. The A.P. Møller Foundation existed at least partially to take advantage of Danish tax law that exempted corporations from tax on charitable donations. In essence, the city was purchasing most of the building that would serve as Møller's monument to himself and be placed in geographic line with the Queen (Amalienborg Palace) and God (Marble Church, the country's largest). Three semesters went by before I ever set foot inside, but I finally saw a Danish ballet, Et Folkesang, and was blown away by the interior. They truly spared no expense.
The Wind Industry: My semester's objective has been my master's thesis, a 120-page behemoth research assignment counting for a third of my grad school GPA. Working on it is like boxing a four ton amoeba with a Mr. T mohawk. Where do you even start? Does it pity the fool who challenges it? We're writing with a company called Vestas, the world's largest manufacturer of industrial wind turbines. I've learned a tremendous amount about an extraordinary industry, and with any luck I'll be able to put that knowledge to further use working for them or one of their competitors. To put extraordinary in perspective, Vestas released specifications for their newest prototype, an offshore turbine that produces 7 megawatts. Its wingspan is 164 meters in diameter. If the area of a circle is pi*r^2 like your geometry teacher insisted, the swept area of this machine's rotors could fit Yankee Field...twice. Here's one of the blades to visual scale:
So that's the semester in a hodgepodge nutshell. Tomorrow's Soniscape feature will be a similar recap with dissimilar emphasis. Check back then!
On a different note, I've decided that nothing can bar me from creating a website about music, even if I'm the only staff. This blog was intended to be more autobiographic, so I created a separate one called Soniscope and transferred all the old music posts there. It'll be regularly updated with themed features, so follow along if you're interested. I promise a symphony of satisfaction!
Regarding this blog, updates have been painfully slow recently because there honestly haven't been many newsworthy incidents. The job search still has me puzzled, but plenty of this semester's pieces were altogether enjoyable. Here's a brief list:
-Snellen: This Austrian card game was introduced to me by two countrymen in early January. The learning curve is alp-grade, due in large part to the cards used to play.
You'll notice there are 4 suits (hearts, bells, shades, and acorns) and that a 2-6 straight is very tough to come by. Gameplay is a wrinkled, competitive, and fiercely addicting version of spades. Everyone I know is hooked, and I've wiled away many nights scheming behind a spielkarten facade.
-The Beatsteaks: The Soniscope will soon cast its gaze on this German band, who recently electrified my favorite Copenhagen music venue. Despite it being sold out, I was drug to this show by the same group of wily Austrians responsible for my raging Snellen addiction and somehow procured a pass. Excellent concert, but I seriously feared for my safety on multiple occasions.
-Sensation White: Some men get grill sets or cuff links for their birthdays. Forget them, I got a ticket to a rave in Norway. That's another story for Soniscope, but the weekend in Oslo was memorable in its own rite, both for the beautiful bus ride and the battered bank account that inevitably follows $18 Big Mac meals.
-The Opera: Copenhagen's Opera is simply stunning. Opened in 2000, "Operæn," as the Danes call it, was donated by the A.P. Møller Foundation funded by the Mærsk founder who bears its name. Total costs exceeded $500 million, and the project was tried at length in the court of public opinion. The A.P. Møller Foundation existed at least partially to take advantage of Danish tax law that exempted corporations from tax on charitable donations. In essence, the city was purchasing most of the building that would serve as Møller's monument to himself and be placed in geographic line with the Queen (Amalienborg Palace) and God (Marble Church, the country's largest). Three semesters went by before I ever set foot inside, but I finally saw a Danish ballet, Et Folkesang, and was blown away by the interior. They truly spared no expense.
The Wind Industry: My semester's objective has been my master's thesis, a 120-page behemoth research assignment counting for a third of my grad school GPA. Working on it is like boxing a four ton amoeba with a Mr. T mohawk. Where do you even start? Does it pity the fool who challenges it? We're writing with a company called Vestas, the world's largest manufacturer of industrial wind turbines. I've learned a tremendous amount about an extraordinary industry, and with any luck I'll be able to put that knowledge to further use working for them or one of their competitors. To put extraordinary in perspective, Vestas released specifications for their newest prototype, an offshore turbine that produces 7 megawatts. Its wingspan is 164 meters in diameter. If the area of a circle is pi*r^2 like your geometry teacher insisted, the swept area of this machine's rotors could fit Yankee Field...twice. Here's one of the blades to visual scale:
So that's the semester in a hodgepodge nutshell. Tomorrow's Soniscape feature will be a similar recap with dissimilar emphasis. Check back then!
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